Shittin' a brick and calling it sugar

I was struck the other day by the memory of love. I felt for a brief moment what it felt like when I would lie down with the one I loved.
I was picking up a notepad I used to write notes to her in. When I picked it up my memory banks opened those doors and everything flooded in and then receded as quick as it came. It was strange. I had completely forgotten what that felt like. As soon as the feeling left I was instantly depressed.

Over the past 7 months I've been single. Others around me are in relationships, good relationships. This is a strange feeling to me. I am alone. In Limerick I am. Sitting alone in a bedsit listening to the radio while I slowly lose the will to live is depressing. I have no job there and that's unlikely to change. I walk around the town from 2 until 6 and I go back and make myself dinner. I play PSP, maybe, and sit in the silence thinking ugly thoughts that only lead to pain and destruction. But there is nothing to make it better. I am not happy. I laugh, I joke, I have fun, I try to make other people happy when they are sad, I show love. But I am hollow. I don't feel the warmth I did when I was younger than I am now. I feel like I have no purpose.

On my first week in Limerick I was very homesick. I cried the first night and the second. I do not see the point in my life at the moment. There is no one to make me feel better when I am sad and depressed. I am not happy. I feel no true joy. I feel cold and distant from the rest. My heart is broken in the generic kind of way. The world is breaking me. Fuck the world. I don't know how long I can hold out. Fuck.