With time, so life moves forward.

Hello again and welcome to another addition of 'Soul Searching Loneliness'. But that is the way, is it not? It is in my life. Not in an 'out for attention' kind of way, it's just how shit has played out.

I leave in a week. To Limerick I will travel and I will stay there for a year learning to making instruments and living life working a job, playing guitar, and maybe I'll have a girlfriend? But let's not get too optimistic. I leave on my birthday, the 14th. I'll be living in a bedsit. Bed, table, three chairs, wardrobe, sink, fridge, hot plate, window. Anything else, I bring with me. I'm excited, to be honest. This is what I want to do. But who thought I would be the first in my group of close friends to leave Galway? This is now my life. I rarely considered being in school my life let alone living itself. Now I'm out and I'm going forth to a new day, as it were. I hope I get a job soon when I'm down there. It'll make things much easier and it will complete the life I want in Limerick. Out on my own, working, learning my trade, living. The girlfriend thing is just a bonus but not a must, just a hope, really.

I will be 19. A thought hit me the other day; when I'm 20 I will be able to say "I was born 20 years ago." Wow. That's messed up. 20 years. That's two decades. That's around a quarter of my life. That's messed up. And most of it, 14 years, has been under oppression. Most I can't remember or have blocked out because of pain. That's messed up. For what I can remember is time mostly in my own head. My past thoughts or theories. So now let me hope that the future will be remembered and loved.

God before me to lead me.
God beside me to tell me.
God behind me to protect me.
God inside me to love me.
Awake.