Update?

Fuck school! But on the other fronts, things are going good! Remember the chick I mentioned? Sowing the seeds my friends, sowing the seeds.

Women

No, it's not a rant about how women are the devil. Quite the opposite! It's about how I love the ladies! That sounds creepy. It's more about how I appreciate the women.

Played a gig last night and met this cool chick, good looking too! Also met some other cool girls there. I think in today's society of exploiting women, men and women alike can get caught up in that mind set. Men look at women as objects and women look at themselves and others as worthless. And to be honest, women are more affected by self-esteem issues than men are and they don't need extra shit loaded on to their shoulders. Eating disorders are more common in women, depression is more common, and the pressure to look a certain way is unreal. I really do feel for all those women out there who have to deal with that shit. Every day it's forced down our throats and we all choke on it eventually. Women are beautiful! They're great! To relate to the start of this, the girl I met is a normal girl who (even though I just met her yesterday) is a laugh. She's pretty, she's not an anorexic model and is comfortable with how she looks. I look up to women like that. That quality in itself is attractive. What the media finds attractive changes and so the trends, diets and 'fads of fashion' will also change. Women forget that they are beautiful.
Example; A guy can look at a normal woman and say she is attractive. A woman can look at the same woman and say she is attractive with no sexual meaning behind it. However, a man and a woman can not look at a normal guy and both say he is attractive.
The thing the media has gotten right is that women are far more attractive than men, however they exploit that fact for profit which is disgusting. I find it disappointing when I see young girls with make-up lathered on. I find it even more disappointing when older women do the same thing! The mentality that the more you have on the better you look goes back thousands of years. So it is true this is nothing new but isn't that a bad thing? It's just gotten worse.
The song by Ernie K. Doe 'Here Come The Girls' is the theme for this blog. Perhaps the Sugababes cover can edge it's way in. If every women took that songs confidence we would be on a way to a better world.
I read something on a fridge magnet that struck me. A great place for profound sayings but here we go. "There are no ugly women, just lazy ones." Take away the little bit of venom in that and let's start there. It's true in my mind, there are no ugly women. That doesn't mean I want to ride every living woman, that's taking this the wrong way. Every woman, EVERY WOMAN has the potential to look beautiful. Many don't even know they can or that they do look beautiful. I'm using the word 'beautiful' a lot so you get the point! I could never be gay because I just love the ladies too much! And we haven't even crossed the border of personalities.
There is NOTHING more attractive than a confident woman, to me anyway. I'm sure this can count more than me, though. A confident woman will make herself look good because she wants to, not because she's told to. And you better believe she will look good! A confident woman is a happy woman and if she is happy there will be something about her that will make her look radiant. And I'm not talking about over confidence or a showy in-your-face attitude, I'm talking about a woman who doesn't care what you think, she's going out on a Friday night! And when I mean every woman, I mean EVERY WOMAN! I'm not a shallow asshole. Big, thin, short, tall, women of all nations. Beautiful. The sting in the tail is that people are so focused on looks and quick flings that women get damaged. They don't believe what they are and they deny and bury it.

I'm a sucker for them. On an emotional and physical level. But I wouldn't have it any other way. (And I kinda hope I get to know that girl better!)

If any women read this then get the message! YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL. End of story. If any men read this then get the message! Appreciate the women!

Hiroshima Nagasaki

We ran but could not out run the shock wave. The blast came next but we were already dead. Each one fell with a message. The same message. Each one fell with a word. Die.

The Fear is what keeps us here.

I suppose I'm still afraid. Even though I try not to be. I mean, really, who WANTS to be afraid? It's just hard to say you are living when there is nothing in your life that justifies that statement. I'm not doing anything. For some I think school is not just something that is a constant source of pressure, it also takes away life. There is just routine and you are punished if you walk away from that. Looking around, there is so much fear in the world. So much. It saddens me. A lot. There is a quiet acceptance of it all. "That's life", right? I know many people who believe in God. Very little of them are truly afraid. My Grandfather died 6 years ago of cancer. He was bed ridden for that last few weeks of his life. Although near the end he could no longer sing or clap along to the hymns his brothers played for him in his room, he still tapped his foot to the beat. It didn't seem as though he was afraid. I don't think he was.
Fear is paralysing. It hurts and dulls at the same time. A double edged sword that cuts through our minds and our hearts. I can not look at my life and say that I've done something, because I haven't. But, I'm only young, right? I suppose that is a blessing. I am thinking of these things and I'm only just an adult. Perhaps I will find the meaning I am searching for? I am seeking guidance in this. My two mentors are far away. I don't 'look up' to anyone else. So I'm stranded, at least for now. I have a Rock to stand on (Isaiah ch.26 v.4) but I'm not sure how long I can hold my footing if I'm not told how to.

I don't want to be afraid.

Prayer.

I love late night radio. Just chill music. Brilliant.


You said to me that I will find someone one day who will "complete the tears in my heart." I pray that I will only meet her when I am fully ready. I pray to God that he will watch over me in my days and more so in my nights. I pray with my music and I say silent prayers in my head. I am, once again, alone in my stance, right now. But, I pray I will meet you and them soon. Even though my mouth says sometimes I don't believe, I do. I always have. And I always will. Knowing what I know, how can I not? But right now I am progressing slowly by my self and I would like some company. The kind of company you can sit by a lake with and sit in silence for a few minutes with no words between you both. I knew it was you. I know your walk, even if I only hear it. It was picturesque; the moon was high and reflected off the lake water with a few clouds drifting in and out of the steel light. It was cool but not cold. We hugged and I didn't feel weird after our talk. I don't remember how long we talked for. It was the last time you stayed before you returned to your home. I still have the letter you gave me and the crucifix is still tied to my bed post; a gift when you left. I miss you all so much. When the three or two, I forget, went to stay with you for a while, I was jealous of them. All the things you did together. Even just staying with you for a while would have suited me fine. The CD of Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds you gave me because you didn't like it, I still have that, too. When I hear the songs I am reminded of those times in Roscommon. The tent in the attic.
But I just want you to know I remember those times and I miss them. You're a bastard because you spoiled me with good company and then left, but you know I love you Jon. I pray for you.

S.F.H.

And on and on they crawl,
The minutes of our lives.
We're born and then we're dead.

(From 'Until We're Dead' by Star Fucking Hipsters. Look them up.)