The Fear is what keeps us here.

I suppose I'm still afraid. Even though I try not to be. I mean, really, who WANTS to be afraid? It's just hard to say you are living when there is nothing in your life that justifies that statement. I'm not doing anything. For some I think school is not just something that is a constant source of pressure, it also takes away life. There is just routine and you are punished if you walk away from that. Looking around, there is so much fear in the world. So much. It saddens me. A lot. There is a quiet acceptance of it all. "That's life", right? I know many people who believe in God. Very little of them are truly afraid. My Grandfather died 6 years ago of cancer. He was bed ridden for that last few weeks of his life. Although near the end he could no longer sing or clap along to the hymns his brothers played for him in his room, he still tapped his foot to the beat. It didn't seem as though he was afraid. I don't think he was.
Fear is paralysing. It hurts and dulls at the same time. A double edged sword that cuts through our minds and our hearts. I can not look at my life and say that I've done something, because I haven't. But, I'm only young, right? I suppose that is a blessing. I am thinking of these things and I'm only just an adult. Perhaps I will find the meaning I am searching for? I am seeking guidance in this. My two mentors are far away. I don't 'look up' to anyone else. So I'm stranded, at least for now. I have a Rock to stand on (Isaiah ch.26 v.4) but I'm not sure how long I can hold my footing if I'm not told how to.

I don't want to be afraid.