For Laura

What a smile she had. It said "I care for you."
She never spoke aloud but only murmured to me alone.
The whispers swam through me,
Flew in me and kissed my dreams
Under the quilts
Even though I never slept around her.
Why would I? It would only waste time,
Time we could be loving in.
Whether we kissed, spoke, or were intertwined,
It was all love to me.
There was romance with none.
No star gazing or dining by lakes,
Only cloudy days in dreary parks
And rides on the bus
To her house at the edge of town.
And the stairs to the top
Of a car park open to the air
And overlooking right to the city limits.
After school was a regular time.
The uniform was 'ugly' she said,
I never noticed until I saw it on the floor
But even then it didn't matter.
The blue matched her eyes
And the crest was an excuse to look.
It wasn't about sex and sleaze,
The sweat was not the point.
The form was enough
And the warmth was a bonus.
The act was an expression
And we waited until it was right.
Her arms would wrap around my neck
And mine would wrap around her waist
And we would stare and just
Share the moment.
When we watched films
She would lean her head on my shoulder
And then mine on hers.
When I was sick I would lay mine
On her lap and she would stroke my hair.
I would pretend to sleep
Because I could never bring myself to.
I don't know why.
She never wore lipstick
Unless we were going to a party.
Her lips were perfect without and soft to touch
So I would when she let me but only then.
When we lay on the couch she would on me
Belly to belly. She was shorter and fitted just right.
She always said I was warm.
I always said it was my love reaching her.
That would make her smile.
We slept at night in her single bed
In the softest rose patterned covers,
I have yet to feel softer
As we curled together.

I don't miss it, but I do appreciate it.

Sorry I lied.

I was walking down a steep hill towards the grimey sewers
To meet a friend who lives there to talk of mine and yours.
We spoke of lifes small troubles that in time won't mean a thing
But still effect the day to day. Do you know the things I mean?
I brought with me a mask so to seem so in control
So I could be the strong one who would listen to him more.
But after quite a long release of built up pulsing strife
He asked me "Are you still affected by your lonely life?"
The mask, before I knew it had responded with the words
"Of course! It's not a big part of me now, I've lived and learned!"
But sure enough a mask made of any thing or kind
Can only say those words and smile. But in truth? In truth it lied.

The Flame

Burned as it did last night
But now only embers replace.
As the last year and a half
Drew onward so it grew.
It climbed to smile at the rafters
And tickle smokelessly.
It warmed at the thought
As we huddled after love.
The smoke grew aswell
And soon began to choke.
The heat now making me
Sweat out the impurities of delusion.
The orange glow now white
showed all imperfection.
They were inhanced by the irritation
And discomfort of my salty skin.
I couldn't take it anymore
So I backed from the fire now dying.
She came closer but was burned
As the white flames were hot.
The fire died down when I left
But I don't remember that,
It's what she told me.

Follow the fire

The fear is gripping in rememberance
Of a smile when painted in hearts red
That with only one touch did cripple my own
But not with angst, with love.
Even a whisp of memory stills me still
As my third eye is cast back.
Such rapture...
Drempt reality becomes delusion
In quaking rooms where static shadows
Cry mumbled screams and clutch
Faceless portraits on thin paper strips
Scratched in to the cracked walls
And tattooed on their eyes,
The only part of them which was clear.
The only part which was real.
In the halls with melting walls
And fire ceiling tiles for miles
Where crows and ravens sat
Gouging out the intestines and the fat,
I ignored their caw and craws
And followed down for some time
Before a door before me covered
In strange symbols and rusted chains
Creeked open, open slowly
And red light bathed by soul.
Her lips drifted out in a squall
Of perfumed petals
And rose buds, if I recall,
With splintered metal dripping salt.
They met to be with mine
But time would seperate, dismember
But only if I would not do it to her
Before the steel would have met her.
So I myself brought my own knife
And wildly closed my eyes and sliced
To save her from them all that night.
I cried for none would understand the plight.
She may not breath the air I do
Or see the path I've led down to
But she's down deeper than that hole
Alive in me trapped in my soul.

Not you again...

You know, it's been a while since I said a word to you.
So here it goes.

You're a low life in a pool of scum
A filthy fucking bitch
Not a wicked witch
Because there's nothing supernatural
About giving it for free.
It's as easy as one, two
Oops! That's three little kiddies
In your tramp stamp belly.
You make me laugh,
Laugh at you
Laugh at them
Laugh and giggle
With an iggle
Like a tickle
In my brain
When you speak to me
In that itchy bitch voice.
Stop your damn calling
My battery is low
And patience running lower
Than even you would go.
So,
FUCK YOU!!!
Little piggy
Fuck you with a stick
On a red hot spit
As I spit on you
So you buuble and boil
And maybe even blow away.
God damn,
God damn your plans
And your lifes work drowns
In the scum
As a low life, rich in bitch
And high in free clit.

"Remember me in your blood"

I have lost her for good now,
Yet I feel no good in it.
There is no going to what was
When the light shone and covered us both
And winds flew around us
With angels wrapping their protection around us.
Cupids kept us together
But some angels die sooner than others.
I can still smell her
It is still fresh
And I well with love when I do
As I was struck the other day
By the feeling that has left me
As if to tease me
And to hurt me
But it was the will of my heart,
Of that I am sure,
To punish me.