We'll grow up now and fill an unsure future.

My two close friends Daragh and Peter now have girlfriends. Holy shit. They both are with their FIRST girlfriends. To me this is amazing. Not that they have gotten girlfriends but that this is a new step in their lives and I am very, very excited for them. I love this kind of stuff. Watching four people find themselves in each other. And it is a total flip of what I'm used to. Usually I have a girlfriend out of the three and now they do. It's great! If this is what the universe wants in terms of me stepping aside then I gladly do so. Both deserve someone they can confide in and have for themselves. And both are great girls! I'm close friends with both of them and they are both in my inner circle of friends. This makes me happy; four friends and all happy.
Since I hit that stage so early on my life, I feel as though my two friends of 6 years are growing up. They are doing what I did but in a better time in their lives for it. They have more sense in them than I did. They are men when I was a boy.
I advise them both, not that I am some sort of guru. I help them when they need it. They can tell me what they feel and I can relate like none of their other friends can. I can help them through what was pain and joy, tears and laughter, love and silence. I want them not to make the mistakes I did and to have a happy more than sad relationship with their partners. I remember more pain than happiness in my relationships, I don't want it to be like that for them. I love all four of them and want only good things for them. Daragh and Edel. Peter and Suzi. The funny thing is that we're all at least 2 years older than them, but they are quite mature for their ages. They'll both be 17 in November and by then all three of us will be 19. (God I'm getting old) To an extent I find this.... disappointing. We have to look to the younger to find what we can not find here. All of my girlfriends have been younger than me (bar one) by at least a year and a half. And to be honest the, within reason, younger ones are more attractive. Or they're older. And in this stage of my life I can only really go for same age or a little younger. The older ones see me as a young pest that is below their 'league'. I seem to have little chance with anyone at the moment and it's annoying. Suzi said to me after a long, long talk that I "seem to be a person that needs or at least wants a lot to be with someone to feel right about [myself]".

Perhaps I am. But either way we are all growing up now to fill an unsure future of what may be the earths last or just another time that the solar system spins...

Think, think, think...

Things are going ok at the moment. No real ups or downs, just a bit of fun here and there and being with friends when I can. Still missing two factors; a real sense of my religion and a relationship. Two fairly big things in a persons life. One is a question of eternity and mortality and the universe. The other is a sting that lingers with time moving on and on without me. All this time I am wasting when I could be with someone having a great time with them. Let's tackle the latter! Again......

This IS an important thing to me and I do consider it something that I, not need but yearn for. To hold, have, kiss, lie with, talk to and many other things. This is not just on a sexual level or anything as shallow as that, it's on an emotional level and a mental level. I don't want to play like a skipping record so I'll leave it at this; The fact is I'm depressed, alone (emotionally) and in need of contact, someone to love.

That's all I wanted to say.

Later.