Return.

It was gone for a while, but it's back. The fear. I was lying in bed only a few moments ago and I suddenly felt totally empty and had a panic attack like no other. I curled up in a ball and with everything that had been pushed down for a short while released my mind rushed through my whole life and suddenly I was dead.
Why do I feel so alone again? Why does this happen? Why is it that night after night I lie in my bed, cold and alone when there is always a space left for some one to come and lie with me? Why can't I have some company one night? I just want her to come lie beside me, tell me it's ok so we can sleep together and I can sleep easy for once in a long while.

As I have tears in my eyes typing this, I think I'll try to go to sleep again.

I hate my life. I can't even tell you how much.